Convincing Myself

The goal is to do it

I love running in winter. I even do the most of my running during winter months. And where I live, we get real winters, cold and long. Winters with a lot of snow but also winters with lots of sunshine and blue bird days.

Last winter I ran 15 times in November, 16 times in December, 15 times in January, 16 times in February, and 15 times in March. 77 times in total.

This winter so far I ran 10 times in November and 5 times in December. Well, I've been busy with mountain climbing for the last couple of months so I slowed down.

Running in winter is like a long game of convincing someone to do something that will hurt at first but it will definitely turn into something that feels great. But they don't know about the "pleasant" part. It is an exploration exercise, again connected with pain and pleasure. How cold is it outside? How much new snow did we get last night? How icy is it? How windy? Which hat should I wear? Which gloves should I wear? Do I need my shoes with spikes or my waterproof shoes?

There are so many parameters to a pleasant run.. But then, if I know everything, nothing is interesting anymore.

Therefore, many times I just get out of the house wearing only basics and I just go. I get exposed to elements. And that's beautiful.

Sometimes I change my route on the fly. If there was too much snow and my route is taking me uphill, especially if there is a long climb, I choose something easier. In the past I would plow my way through the deep snow but lately my hip flexors complain about it.

I also change my route if it gets too warm or when there is new snow during last seven days. Running on a little bit of new snow, on a warm day, when temparature is in range between -4 C and + 2 C is similar to running through quick sand. Two steps forward, one step back. Not even spikes help. I call it "suffering" (really, it is not, but it hurts, and I want less pain).

Cold world that is not cold, but just it is

When it is really cold in my world, and for me that is under -20 C, it is only hard before I get outside as I am procrastinating, and during first 10 minutes until I warm up. It is too hard to get out from warm house to this polar world. When I start running my face is cold as I never wear a face mask, and my eyes get wet. So I am struggling at the beginning. At the same time, when it is really cold there are no problems with sandy snow, cold wind - well, it is already too cold anyway - and the best part, there is nobody out there. The truth is that usually there is nobody out there anyway - but when it is - 25 C, then I could be on Mars and it would be same in terms of people.

During my winter runs I enjoy experiencing elements, cold, brisk air, falling snow, bright sunshine, cold wind - and also it is great to listen to my steps on the ice and snow, as I already mentioned. 

Crunchy sound produced by my feet's interaction with the ice and snow - so rhythmic and powerful, it gives me assurance about my own power.

By moving like this, using only my own power, I feel closer to beings that we were once before in the past. By being exposed to the elements, I feel again closer to our ancestors who were free of "progress", but rich with understanding and connection with nature.

Running during winter months makes me feel human again. It gives me assurance that the world is indeed beautiful, when not endangered by some humans. Running in the winter helps me understand myself and it makes me free and understood.

The World is NOT a Dangerous Place

"Let me be clear my friends, THE WORLD IS A DANGEROUS PLACE. Let me repeat it and be even clearer on it - THE WORLD IS INDEED A VERY DANGEROUS PLACE" These words were resonating in my head, all over again. I heard them in person, during the visit to a rally for the support of the greatest Canadian Prime Minister, on August 12th. Be afraid my friends, this world is dangerous. I am the only one who can save you and make you feel safe and secure. The Prime Minister was referring to, of course, to our global "world", plagued by problems that seemingly cannot be solved. This is how I intended to begin my speech at our first meeting of 2015/2016 season. I felt that I wanted to incorporate politics and awareness - I wasn't sure indeed that this combination could work. When I rehearsed, my only adviser said that she didn't understand the connection between the prime minister, this dangerous world and my story. So, I decided not to give this speech, but as it was already written, I am publishing it here. It might make some sense to some.

Introduction

(This is how I would start my speech): Ladies and gentlemen, for those of you who know my name, and know what I support, it will be easy to relax and follow my story. For those who don’t know me, my name is BB, and I am a thinker, member of a minority, and a person who lives his life in his own way. If you expected me to speak about my favourite politician, our commander in chief, the economist genius, the strategist, our Prime Minister Stephen Harper, you were wrong. No Harper story today. This is a different story. I will tell you how I learned to see again, and how I woke up from a deep sleep. 
How I rejected to stay blind. How I regrew my sense of awareness.

During our climb - lots of fun

Unfortunately, there was no commander in chief, Mr. Harper, in the vicinity, to save me, to bring me to safety, to show me his leadership qualities. I am sure that all of you understand this as part of my satirical view of Canadian politics. Of course, the world didn’t want to hurt me intentionally, the world was just there, doing the only thing it could - IT WAS JUST THERE. Smart people will understand that I am indeed talking about our world outside human influence.
Story It was 8:30 PM on August 29th, and Stephane, my climbing partner, and I were stuck on a narrow ledge on the west face of West Baldy mountain. It was getting dark, it was getting cold, the wind was blowing out of this world, we didn’t have any water left, Stephane didn’t have his prescription glasses, I didn’t have the headlamp, we were running out of slings, we were running out of food, we were tired, we’ve been on the mountain since the early morning….we were lost. Nobody knew where we were, our SPOT device stopped emitting a signal, we didn’t have prusiks to try to climb back up, and we were running out of rope. West Baldy is not a big mountain. It is close to Calgary, just by highway 40, across Barrier Lake. You can see its mother peak, Mt.Baldy, when driving to Banff, just off the casino. It is in our backyard.

During our climb we practiced skills we needed

We were on a ledge and we didn’t know if 60 m of our rope would be sufficient for our next rappel. 

We almost run out of rope once, and had to improvise a mid cliff rappel. 

I can tell you the feeling that is produced when you can see that the end of rope is closer and closer, and that the rope might not be long enough…...
I guess Stephane could compare it to parachuting and knowing that the parachute is faulty. He was the one who rappelled first without knowing if the rope length would be sufficient. We could see our ascent ridge on the right hand side, as it seemed not that far away, but it was not possible to traverse it from our position. We had to try to go further down, and then possibly to climb up, to see if the drainage ridges would join somewhere at a higher elevation.

West Ridge is "Climber's Scramble"

We already rappelled four times, left rappel slings on the mountain, tried to get out of the drainage on the left and on the right, but each time we were denied it, as the walls were too big and the bottom was too deep. Our only option was to descend deeper into the canyon, hoping that we would find an escape route on either side. Or to climb back - but we knew that this option was not possible. All of our attempts ended with even higher walls on both sides and we had to continue down climbing.

Stephane ready to climb the crux

And after every rappel, there was the next one, longer than the previous one, and the canyon was getting deeper and steeper. We knew that there will be a moment when we won’t be able to rappel further down, as it it would become too deep and too steep. However, I always believed that we would find the path to safety if we find a spot to cross the ridge on the right hand side, as on that side, the West Baldy ridge that we climbed today, was protruding. I also knew that there was probably only one such a place on the whole mountain - as by going down, the drainage was becoming wider and steeper, and going up, it was almost vertical. I also knew that we didn’t have any choice than to find that passage. We climbed up some 20 meters, unroped, there was no time left for a “proper” climbing, we were running out of time, and somehow I felt that there must be something right above the vertical face, that Stephane tried to climb. He got up, finally after sliding numerous times, he yelled from above:”I don’t see a way from here, we’ll have to downclimb and try the side of the drainage”. I thought, “Where are you Stephen Harper? When are you coming to save us?” Poor Prime Minister - everything's his fault. Even on this ledge, on the west Baldy face, he was responsible for our troubles.

Rappelling to unknown

Let’s put joking aside - at this moment I knew that if we cannot continue to the right and up, it meant, that we would spend the night on the ledge, stuck on the west face of West Baldy. I yelled back:”Stephane, try to climb up and see what is behind, maybe there is an exit”. “I cannot even approach it”, Stephane replied. “I don’t think that there is a passage there”. I was still calm, but knew I had to push my good friend somehow, and convince him to get to the other side, and see with his own eyes if there was a lifeline for us.

Can you spot me in this picture?

“You must try it. You must go. That could be our chance”. I knew that he was thinking and analyzing. He always does. He replied that he would go, and that he would come back in 15 minutes. Next 15 minutes were long and lonely. I was stuck on the ledge, I wasn’t able to down climb, or to go up, it all depended on Stephane coming back - as he had the rope and the SPOT device, so he was the only one who could bring me up to the ridge. “The world was indeed a dangerous place”, I was repeating the words of our great Prime Minister. “How did I get here?” “What went wrong?”

• I was thinking and imagining that I was at home with Ada
• I was thinking about a coffee and Bruno’s omelette at Bruno’s.
• I was thinking about other mountains that Stephane and I did together, how we were experienced, how we knew what we were doing, majority of time :), and yet, we were walking on a very thin ice.
• I was thinking how stupid we were, to get stuck like this. I was disappointed.
• I wasn’t scared, I was completely aware of everything. I was calm and accepting.

The world indeed WAS NOT a dangerous place. It all made perfect sense. It was amazing how I got awaken from a sleep and could see again, on a such place. In such a precarious position. The world indeed WAS NOT a dangerous place. The mountain was doing only thing it knew, and that was TO BE. West Face didn’t want to injure us, to scare us, to kill us. West Face just WAS. The rock wasn’t wet and wasn’t choppy because it had some agenda against us. The rock just WAS.

Setting the last rappel

The elements, such as heavy rain, and hurricane wind didn’t even know we were there, mother nature was expressing itself, in only way it knew. The world indeed WAS NOT a dangerous place. It was us who endangered ourselves. It was us who made so many mistakes. Being still in one piece was a miracle. It didn't feel dramatic though. Everything was clear to me now. THE WORLD WAS NOT A DANGEROUS PLACE. Time was passing “faster” not because it did, but because we underestimated the mountain. We started late, at 10 AM, instead of 7 AM. We were not going to be rescued because we were too big to fail. It was us, we were dangerous to ourselves.

The picture doesn't do justice - West face that I called names :) after we were safe

I knew that so many things went wrong, and that the only people responsible for that were us. It was us, Stephane and I, who created this “dangerous world”. We were even somewhat prepared, had a rope, belay devices, slings…..but still we were too cocky and arrogant. There were at least 10 things we didn’t do properly. What do you think was the worst mistake? Some of them were rookie mistakes.

Lessons

1. We underestimated the mountain. “It is just there”. “We can do it in no time”. “It is not even 900 vertical meters”. The lesson learned here is: NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE MOUNTAIN.
2. We didn’t research our descent route. We ignored the warnings written by other climbers that there was “no easy way down”. We even didn’t descent using preferred routes - we chose our own route. The lesson learned here is: RESEARCH DESCENT ROUTES AND DESCEND FOLLOWING A RECOMMENDED ROUTE.
3. We descended the West Face, and kept descending it, even though we didn’t know what was coming, what was below us. And we ended up on the cliffs. The lesson learned here is: DON’T DESCEND TO AN UNKNOWN AREA. 
4. Nobody knew where we were. We didn’t leave a detailed description of our ascent and descent routes to our better halves. We only told them that we’ll be climbing the West Ridge. Lesson learned: STICK WITH THE PLAN THAT IS COMMUNICATED TO SOMEONE (ANYONE) WHO COULD LET RESCUE PARTIES KNOW WHERE TO SEARCH. LET PEOPLE KNOW WHERE YOU ARE GOING AND TELL THEM WHEN YOU"LL BE BACK.
5. “Minor” lessons (6-12): 
6. (Always) Carry a “normal” prescription glasses. Stephane only had a dark, sun glasses that are prescription glasses at the same time. When it got dark he couldn’t see well anymore, and that was an issue..
7. (Always) Carry the maximum amount of water (in camel water-pack) if going to dry, waterless area. We ran out of water - we only had 2 deciliters of Powerade...
8. Research water sources on the mountain before you climb it, especially if the mountain is the dry one.
9. (Always) Carry extra tapes and webbings if rock climbing (descending).
10. (Always) Carry an extra food.
11. (Always) Carry a headlamp.
12. DO NOT separate when not able to see each other, especially if one of us has a lifeline(s)

Stephane got back after 10 minutes. “I think we can make it”, he yelled. "There is a steep bridge on the other side that we can walk on, and then we can rappel to the bottom and walk to the ascent ridge”.

Our descent route is in red colour.

We were at the car 1.5 hrs later. We were enveloped into darkness. The wind wasn’t blowing that hard, and the sky was clear. There was no smoke anymore. We were safe.

Let me be clear my Friends, The world is not a dangerous place, it is us, humans who are dangerous. To Ourselves and to the World.

Camp Peak

High Hopes

We were hoping to climb Birthday Peak, but somehow knew that it wouldn’t be offered. Our next choice was Double Vision peak, that only Stephane and I endorsed it when the choices were made – and Double Vision was a lost cause, as people wanted to do Wink Wink Nudge Nudge (what a great name??? !!  :)) and Camp Peak.

This meant that we would sign to climb Camp Peak.

We were going to cross lower Stockdale glacier

We renamed Birthday peak to "Not Happening Peak", and had couple of other names as well:"Not as Advertised", "Won't get there Peak"......

I was a bit reluctant to go to Camp Peak as I was a bit tired by now, and it seemed that the group who did it the day before, needed 10 hours to complete it. I didn’t want to burn myself completely.

But on the other hand, the route description was quite inviting and it seemed it had everything. Also, I knew that Stephane would go, so I didn’t have much choice  J.

Lower Stockdale glacier

It was a routine start of the day, 5:50 AM getting up, packing a gear, washroom lineup, excellent breakfast, no washing dishes for me today!  J, tea tent group meeting, and departure by 7:35 AM (I know, it was slow again....late start). This time and the only time, we descended following the creek, and the start was uneventful – but, as we were losing altitude, I knew that we would be gaining it back, and that will happen after 7, 8 hours of intensive walking, hiking, scrambling, maybe even climbing. And that was not going to be pretty  J.

Getting ready

On glaciers

We put our crampons on and roped up at the right hand side of a lower Stockdale glacier – I was in a 4 person team, with Sylvia as a lead, Kent as a second, and Rick at the end.  Perfect setup for me – as I didn’t have to do anything – no work during short roping transitions, as Kent and Rick would adjust the rope  J. Lucky me. Or lazy, should I say.

This was my first time to be on the same rope as Sylvia, and I knew I’d expect to follow the rules – but I also knew it would be quite safe – she seemed like someone who saw safety to be of the paramount importance. At first I didn’t know Rick’s abilities, and I was a bit concerned as he was a big guy (so I was thinking if he slips on a steep slope, or goes into crevasse, it would be tough to catch him, and hold him). However, Sylvia said that she climbed with him for many years and knew him and his abilities.

“I guess, I am in a good position, and it will be a walking event, all the way to the top”, I thought. “On the other hand, I don’t like to have a peak delivered to me, I want to work for it”, I also thought “But what the heck, it was the last day and I should accept this gift”.

Advancing on the lower glacier

We quickly crossed the first glacier without any problems. We had to go around big crevasses, so it added a bit of time, but there was no any danger. It was icy and we could see where we were going. There were couple of moments when we had to maintain our balance on narrow little ridges between crevasses, and to cross the crevasses by jumping over them – and that was a bit more interesting.

Once on the other side, we quickly descended to the end of the glacier, removed our crampons and headed towards the second glacier, around and above the big rocky ledge. When I was looking at it the day before from distance, it looked not passable, but it was wide enough to allow cars to go through. It was a bit rough, but still it was a highway, comparing to all scree infested rock bends in Alberta.

On the rocky ledge between glaciers

In no time we were at the toe of the second glacier. This one looked quite benign, comparing to the first one, and we were quickly advancing. I liked Sylvia’s approach and pace. She was maintaining it in a steady manner, and there were no unnecessary breaks, chit-chats – it was all about the business, and in my mind that’s how these things should be done. We passed some huge crevasses on our right and our left, and then we had to cross a snow bridge that covered another gargantuan crevasse. That was a bit more exciting, and I made sure to follow Sylvia’s and Kent’s steps. I would know in advance if anything challenging was coming, as Kent would slow down and carefully walk through the area that smelled on danger.

On the second glacier

The last part of the second glacier was steeper, but the pace was so good, that I didn’t have any difficulties. Breathing was good, muscles were good, spirits were high, only thing that irritated me was the fact that I still had to put the crampons on 2 times, on our way back. I just hate putting crampons on. It never works the way how I want it. I am quite proficient with it, but somehow, I always struggle with it. I guess I need to become more flexible.

Passing big crevasses on our left

Stephane was in a team behind us, with Morgan and Ryan. I was thinking if this was a bit more interesting for him – and later he confirmed that it was. I was taking pictures here and there, as there was no stopping.

Our path between crevasses

Again, pretty quickly we reached the col between Camp and other peak, and stopped for a 10 – 15 minute half-lunch break. I was quite hot at this moment after climbing steep slope of the glacier, but the mountains offer you a quick heat relief with strong and cold winds. That felt great.

The Summit

After a quick lunch there was only one thing to do – to get to the top. Sylvia said that if we don’t move, the summit won’t come to us by itself, so we started our scrambling ascent to the top. It was still approximately 200 vertical meters to the top, and the second half looked quite steep. Well, steep or not, this was quite an easy part. We were on the top in a no time, and all peaks on every side looked now closer and more beautiful. It was cloudy, so that part wasn’t perfect, and it was windy (so I was cold quite quickly), but then, it could’ve been much worse. Mountains have their laws and mountains can be kind to us – only if we are able to understand it.

Stephane and I took summit photos and videos in which we talked to our better halves, telling them how much we’ve missed them and wanted them to be with us on this beautiful summit.

I could imagine how my beautiful Ada would rather be in Banff, hanging out with Josephine and Luke in a jewelry store, or swimming in Banff Centre, or shopping in a Chinook mall  J.

We left the summit around 12:05 PM, and quickly reached the col, where we left all ice travel equipment on our way up. It was time now to gear up again for a glacier travel, and I knew that after this, there will be only one more time to put the crampons on  J.

During the descent, Rick was leading, and as a second I was following. He knew what he was doing, so I it was just like a walk on a Calgary waterfront. It was a quick descent, during which we didn’t walk over our ascending tracks. When we passed the snow bridge at the big crevasse, Sylvia got a closer look of it and announced that it still “had a lot of juice”, “so it might last longer”. I thought it was a good news, as the following groups, in weeks 3-5, would also attempt to climb Camp Peak.

On our way back

We removed crampons yet again, quickly passed the rock ledges, and this was where I started feeling a bit tired. As we were passing through some snowy patches, the boots would get wet, and then it was slippery on the rocks. At one moment I slid, almost feel, as Ryan stopped me of falling. He said how “now you owe me one life saving”  J. On these sharp rocks, even a little mishap could be painful, so I was quite thankful to Ryan.

Exciting moment came when we reached the first (second going back) glacier, as that meant that this was the last time on this trip to put crampons on. Yessss! I did it quickly, we short roped, and Sylvia took a lead. She chose the left hand side of the glacier (looking from the top to the bottom) to descend, as it wasn’t that broken as the middle part and right  hand side. This was quite smooth and fast – this route was better than our ascend route that went through the middle section. We quickly passed through the glacier, there was one little step that Sylvia and Kent down climbed, but I jumped over it, and Rick after me as well. “Don’t break your ankle”, Sylvia said. She was right as jumping with crampons on could be dangerous. But I felt I would be faster to jump than to down climb.

Last 100 meters, Rick took a lead, and he almost took us to one huge crevasse, so we had to go around it, instead of jumping over it, and funny enough, at the very end, when only probably, 10 meters was left to reach the rocks, he almost fell into snow hidden crevasse – great lesson learned, to be focused until the very end.

Comfort

Removing the crampons, harness and helmet felt almost as an orgasm. Well, maybe not  J. But I knew that I won’t have to do it again on this trip. It felt great. It felt great, even though we had to climb some 250 meters vertical to reach the camp. Luca took a lead, and “he tried”, as he said, when he missed the trail, so we had to descent some rocks. But, in the big picture, all of that was fun.

Camp Peak on the left

Real nature

We were back after 8.5 hrs

I didn’t rush, and I enjoyed every minute of it. This nature around me was breathtaking, and I was one of few people today who was actually here, in this part of the world. And, there were 7 billion other humans who were not here. It feels great to be part of minority group.

Kent was picking mountain goat’s poop. “It is even fresh”, Kent said. He was doing it for work purposes, as they were going to extract the goats DNA, to see and compare how far they go, as somehow they were endangered. I didn’t understand that part.

I was back to the tent around 3:50 PM, after more than 8 hours of incredible mountain experience. We even beat the other group for almost 2 hrs  J. But, they were the first to climb it, so all credit goes to them.

Our route to the Camp Peak

This was another great climb and great day.