I just came back to Canada from my Himalaya’s trip. After a couple of days getting back to normal, I was ready to start writing some of my impressions. I thought it would take me days and weeks to process all information, and much more for writing. There was so much that I've seen and experienced.
And then something happened that changed my train of thoughts. Some old memories became alive; they were buried and forgotten for many years. In the past they would come more often to the light, but I would bury them quickly. It bothered me that they would come back, and I didn’t understand why I wasn’t able to get rid of them, to delete them, to shred them, so that they never come back.
Those memories were related to one of real life monsters that got big media attention on May 26th. He was finally ‘found’, after more than 15 years. Those memories were related to one ideology that is still very much alive and scary.
I was thinking about these memories, how they were still there, and how heavy they were. The memories were still existent, and uneasy feelings were flowing through my body and my brain. I became quiet, and I needed solitude, as I knew that there was nobody close to me who would understand why my eyes changed the colour. My eyes became sad.
Because of this ideology and this monster, there is a picture of Viktor Frankl in my office. He was an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, and beside that he survived Nazi concentration camps. His book Man’s Search for Meaning talks about his experiences as a concentration camp inmate, and describes his method of finding meaning in all forms of existence, and consequently, a reason to continue living.
I read this book many times, as I was trying to understand my own meaning, because my own existence was in jeopardy for many years, thanks to the ideology that was propagated by the apprehended monster. I had so much in common with Viktor Frankl.
When I was little I would ask my mom if there were real monsters, and as I was waiting for her answer with my open eyes, I was imagining that there must be some little monsters that scare little kids when they go to bed. My mom would confirm that, and told me not be scared, because she was there to protect me.
I would be impressed by little and big monsters from cartoons, comics and books I read, and sometimes I would imagine how I would be able to fight them with a sword, and defend my family and myself. I believed that all kids had similar thoughts and dreams.
Later, when I was already grown up, but still very green, I got a chance to meet real monsters, not just little and big monsters from my books. One of them looked exactly like other people on this planet, and now, after long hiding, he was visible again, after 15 years. This monster was now a sorry looking man. Once powerful and strong, now weak and sick. I was wondering how could he have led his people to commit crimes and murder? Instead of pride, his nation and human race should humble themselves before God and the world.
I was lucky and smart enough to outsmart the monster’s ideology, and to go as far as I could, in order to forget monster’s followers’ "heroism". However, I still saw what the monster and his hordes did to propagate their ideology.
Memories would still come back, and I was worried because I couldn’t make them go away. Only after I read one of Viktor Frankl’s interviews in which he was asked if he still remembered his days in concentration camps, I was able to let it go.
This is what Frankl said:
"You asked me earlier, do I still think of these things? Not a day goes by when I do not! And in a way I do pity those younger people who did not know the camps or live during the war, who have nothing like that to compare [their own hardships] with…Even today, as I lose my sight or with any severe problem or adverse situation…I have only to think for a fraction of a second and I draw a deep breath. What I would have given then if I could have had no greater problem than I face today!"
Once I read this, I understood it all. In same way, I could even say ‘thank you’ to my monster and his people ideology.
I didn’t have problems any more. Thanks to this “hero” that put 300,000 people including me, into super size concentration camp, and kept us there for 1435 days.
Monsters’ followers never wanted to accept their responsibility – we actually locked ourselves up, we cut all water, electricity, and natural gas, and we bomb shelled ourselves. That’s why they have been protesting in their own country, after the monster was apprehended.
Monsters’ followers never wanted to accept their responsibility – we actually locked ourselves up, we cut all water, electricity, and natural gas, and we bomb shelled ourselves. That’s why they have been protesting in their own country, after the monster was apprehended.
I felt sorry for this old man, and I felt even sorrier for his followers, and especially for their society. He didn’t only damage his victims, he demolished his own people, as what does one say about a society that creates monsters like this and protects them for 15 years? I am worried about this country in which they are protesting for a murderer and majority of the protesters are teenagers... This is even scarier then monster itself. If any of people saw with their own eyes the mass graves they and they alone would understand what this man and his followers were and are still capable of.
Of course, they didn't do anything. In their world, their victims abused themselves.
This society and their smart politics that created and protected the monster played another great game in which they were supported by their friends. Their friends have created and protected many of their monsters. Of course the monster was extradited. It was a political matter and predetermined ahead of time. Monster's protectors and jailers wanted to join the EU and this is seen as part of the admission price. They look now as good guys.
Good thing, after all, is that actually, there are some good people there. They identify themselves as 'people', as 'human beings', and they are not blind. They are awake, and they are hope, for their own society, and hope for rest of us. As other monster kingdoms might see the change in them.
When I would talk to my mentor Howard in the past, and that was before Viktor Frankl helped me not to have problems, I would mention to Howard my anger, that was deep inside me, and that was somehow trapped inside. As it was waiting to be released. I would ask Howard, why I was still so angry, even though I left super size concentration camp long time ago. He would ask me what I would do if saw the monster, or other monsters on the street? I replied: ”I would run them over, break their knee caps...”
He said that I wouldn’t do it, as I was angry, and anger was making me less civilized. “You are not a monster, and you are genuine human being”.
He said that one day all of that would be gone, and that I would be free.
And that day came. I was lucky and smart enough to see it. My eyes still hasn't returned to their normal colour. I can't stop thinking about my friends, acquaintances, and all unknown people who were not that lucky.
I will need couple of days.
I know there are many other monsters, around us, who are free. I am telling them that their turn will come soon.
Life is still a fairy tale in which monsters end up alone, betrayed, forgotten and dead.