I had problems with my adductor(s) in spring, and I even did couple of x-country races in April, but I simply quit it in May. There was too much pain that I couldn't tolerate anymore. Physiotherapy helped a bit, but it didn't made me to be a "man of steel" who could normally train and do meaningful racing.
This means that I didn't do half marathons I wanted to do. I didn't do Vancouver half and I didn't do Tromso half marathon.
I spent summer in Europe and some of it in South Africa, watching two World Cup games, and during this period I didn't run. I didn't run at all. Uh, and I wanted to go for a run so many times. I had to be disciplined, to allow my injury to heal.
When I came back to North America I started running again. It has been slow and painful process. My first run was 18 minutes long. My second run was 25 minutes long, and the third one 32 minutes. I had couple of "comebacks" in the past but this one was the hardest one.
I somehow lost my confidence, and I've struggled ever since. I have not been able to find "my swing" again, and no matter what I was doing, intervals, tempo runs, long runs, hills....I felt uncomfortable.
Good thing is that I was surprisingly fast on some of my runs. That was actually a boost I needed. It pushed me to run again next day and forget about that pain.
When I was hitting the wall during some of the runs I was thinking how my friend Ryan Hall would tell me in the past:"Pain is only a weakness, leaving our body". I would try to think that way and convince myself that pain was weakness.
I wish Ryan was running with me, as that would certainly help me experience less pain. He learned about that pain-weakness relationship from his favourite cyclist - Lance Armstrong.
I only did one x-country race in autumn series - the third one. I felt I was not ready to do first two races, and I just didn't do them. I actually was not sure if I was ready or not. I could've go and do them, but actually I somehow chickened out.
I was afraid of pain - especially pain I feel while going uphill. Or was it pain I feel when I am sprinting downhill? When my heart rate is going up instead of going down?
I convinced myself to do the third race, and that's the hardest one. It consists of 3 laps, and each lap starts with a huge hill. Immediately, your heart rate gets to the maximum, and once you are on the top of the hill, you feel heavy and exhausted, and you need more air. Mentally, you know you have to come back here twice and conquer the hill.
That makes brain to be in pain.
I fell apart on the third hill. Well, I did first third of it, and then I just walked up. I was done. I was wasted. I was flat.
At the end I was 1:08 slower than last year. I must say I was surprised by that - I thought I would be much slower.
By now I forgot about all that pain. My September training was not bad, and was not great. I guess I just managed it. It was fun to get out and train, but again, pain would come and then questions were asked. Can I do it? How far I can go wit this pace? Is this pace too fast? Should I slow down?......
If I want to enjoy racing again, I have to get back my confidence and belief in myself. There should not be questions asked. There should only be running and listening to your body.
